Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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