I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
