I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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