just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
