So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
