I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i now understand why vodka
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
