This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
