i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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