Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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