You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it because I queefed?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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