I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
