omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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