Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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