Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
