First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
