Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
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after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize