You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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