I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
