At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
