thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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