dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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