The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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