Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
