I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
