if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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