WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
