Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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