Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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