If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
