My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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