I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
