You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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