My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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