And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
