I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
