i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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