peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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