I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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