she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
