Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
