my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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