I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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