You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
