I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
