Only a mothe r could love this liver
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
