I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
