my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
