he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You may now shotgun with the bride
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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