watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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