How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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