The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
