But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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