Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
