Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
