Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
