I love black thongs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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