i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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