to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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