Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
