checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
