pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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