sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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