i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
