I can't watch pbs sober anymore
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
