my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
