I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
