Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
