he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
