Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I forget how to act sober
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